Believe
by Tianaki
Summary: Right before Hitomi is transported to Gaia, Marlene pays a visit to Allen. Rated for one naughty word (that makes its appearance twice).


Disclaimer: I own nothing, or else I demand to know where all the money went. ^_~ No seriously, please don't sue. ^_^   
  
A/N: A reminder: this takes place right before Hitomi is transported to Gaia, which means Marlene died about two years ago. More a/n's will be at the end. In case it gets confusing, the first two paragraphs are Marlene's thoughts.   
  
  
When I was alive, I remember telling you about I dream I had... a dream where I was flying. You teased me by saying that a dream about flying was really a dream about, well, having sex, and asked if I was thinking about you at that time. I blushed so darkly I felt as if my face were on fire. It took me a while to get used to the way you spoke. I had always thought of you to be the most perfect gentleman, the most chivalrous knight... and you were, in your own way. You said you only spoke like that to keep me from being too uptight. You had wanted us to be carefree and artless around each other, and not bother with court formalities and niceties. I understood later why; if we were truly in love, we wouldn't have to wear our court masks around each other. And I knew I loved you... I still do, even in the Shadow Realm.   
  
Oh, my love, what have I done? If only I hadn't left... but I had no choice - the Dark God had his claim on me, and I couldn't escape... I'm sorry. Your heart only melted for our son... and that was rare, for you could not claim him. It would have been scandalous, and I know it is to protect my name. I miss you so much... you never smile anymore. Not your genuine smiles, the one that made your eyes sparkled with humor. It was just like when you had first come to court, with nothing left but to prove yourself, after you've lost your father, your mother, your sister... I know you had, and still do, hopes of finding her again. You will find her, I promise. But please, can you not find yourself to smile and laugh like you once did? Like you did for me? Can you not still believe in love... in our love.... like in the song you wrote for me?   
  
~*~  
  
A breeze... I must have left the window opened. I stood up from my desk and began to walk over to the small porthole of the Crusade, but froze in my steps.  
  
It wasn't open.  
  
_My love..._  
  
I turned sharply around, scanning the modest-sized room for anything suspicious.   
  
_... love..._   
  
"Mar - Marlene? Is that you?" I asked softly, as my mind mocks me bitterly for my foolishness.   
  
_Allen... _an all-too familiar voice that haunted my mind and dreams seems to whisper.  
  
" 'Lena?" I breathed, hoping against hope...  
  
And the air around me takes shape into my beloved.   
  
" 'Lena!" I cried, unbelieving, but joyous, and I ran to embrace her.  
  
I went right through her.  
  
" 'Lena, why can't I touch you? I can see you, but I can't feel you..." I lamented angrily as tears began to gather around my eyes, yet I already knew the answer to my question.  
  
"Because I'm dead, silly," she said, amused, and I swear I could see her eyes sparkle with laughter.  
  
I mock-glared at her, silently berating myself for making a fool of myself after two years of longing and ache and pain... two years...  
  
"Why are you here?" I whispered; then, realizing how bad that sounded, I added quickly, "I mean, how can you be here? Aren't you in - in the Shadow Realm?" I tried to swallow the sudden lump that formed in my mouth. It stayed there.  
  
Her face sobered, and a ghostly shadow of her delicate arm reached for me. It seemed as if the air near my right cheek rearranged itself to gently caress me. I closed my eyes in painful reminiscence; if only it were flesh and blood. I unconsciously leaned into her touch.  
  
"Are you angry with me, my love?" she asked, her voice breathy and wispy.   
  
"No - no, never, never 'Lena. I can never be angry at you," I declared firmly, if quietly. I was amazed at how steady my voice still was, though I know it was beginning to falter from the emotions that had started to overwhelm me when I saw her.   
  
Her smile was sad. "But you should be."   
  
I opened my eyes. "Why?"  
  
"You never smile anymore. It's my fault. I left you." She looked like she was about to cry, but there was nothing for her to cry _with_, and so her eyes simply remained overly bright.   
  
I reached as if to wipe away the unshed tears, and said, "I only smile for you. No one else."   
  
"How about Chid? Our son?"   
  
My smile wavered, and I looked at her. "Chid - is he not the Duke of Freid's son? I thought -"  
  
"No, he is not the Duke's son. He is your son. I know you know it."  
  
I drew my eyes down. Yes, in my heart I had known Chid was my son, but it was too painful to know that some part of Marlene still exists, and yet I could not - I could not call him my child.   
  
"Allen, my love, I do not have much time left in the Living Realm. Know only this: 'Believe that love can still fall out from the sky/ If from where you're standing, you can still see the sky above/ I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love'..." I closed my eyes, remembering the song I had written for her. " 'Find a way to bring back yesterday/ Find a way to love'..."   
  
I grasped desperately at the air as she began to fade away. " 'Lena, don't leave, please," I begged, sobbing quietly, but she only smiled and whispered with her last breath, "Believe, my love..."  
  
I collapsed onto the floor, and wept in silence as I watched the night sky melted into dawn.   
  
  


A/N: (1) about dreams of flying meaning *ahem* having sex, that comes from the Sandman, by Neil Gaiman. Not sure from which volume (too lazy to look it up).  
  
(2) Snippets of Allen's song for Marlene comes from the song "If You Still Believe" from the Legend of Dragoon (a.k.a. my inspiration). The lyrics:  
  
I had a dream that I could fly  
I can feel each moment as time goes by  
We'd never be too far away  
You would always be here, I heard you say  
  
I never thought  
Thought that it would be our last goodbye   
(Our last goodbye)  
I still can dream  
That one day love will fall out from the sky   
  
Do you still remember all the time that has gone by  
(Do you believe?)  
Do you still believe that love can fall out from the sky?  
(If you still believe - in love, in me.....do you believe)  
If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above  
I'll be waiting for you if you still believe in love  
(Do you still believe?)  
  
Find a way to bring back yesterday  
Find a way to love  
I hope you'll stay  
When tomorrow becomes today  
Love will find a way   
  
I'll be waiting for you, in my heart you are the one  
If I cannot find you, I will look up to the sun  
(If you still believe - in love, in me.....do you believe)  
If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above  
I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love  
  
Do you believe?  
  
Do you still remember all the time that has gone by?  
Do you still believe that love can fall out from the sky?  
If from where you're standing, you can see the sky above  
(Do you believe?)  
I'll be waiting for you, if you still believe in love  
  
Do you believe?  
  
(3) I just realized, this could explain why Allen seemed so interested in Hitomi. I mean, she did 'drop out from the sky'. ^_^;; But Marlene meant it in a metaphorical way... well, unless you're a Hitomi/Allen fan ^_^. And yes, the affectionate nickname of 'Lena was made up. I couldn't think of one for Allen, though. "Al" just sounded too... dull. So I stuck with "my love" (as you can see, I overused that term ^_~). 


End file.
